The Toughest Exterior
by eeveekitty85
Summary: The leather’s become a shell, hasn’t it? You can’t bear to take it off because it feels like protection. If you let everyone believe that you’re tough and that nothing can hurt you, perhaps you’ll believe it too someday. 9th and 10th Doctor, Sarah, Rose


**The Toughest Exterior**

**Notes: **I think Russell T Davies and Julie Gardener have mentioned this idea a few times, and it's really stuck with me. Then of course Sarah Jane had a leather coat too and well…I, being a fan fiction writer, drew unnecessary parallels and ended up with this! Enjoy. 9th and 10th Doctor, Rose, Sarah Jane.

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You swagger through space and time at a neck breaking speed, all the time clad in leather, never letting anyone touch you. The leather's become a shell, hasn't it? You can't bear to take it off because it feels like protection. If you let everyone believe that you're tough and that nothing can hurt you, perhaps you'll believe it too someday.

In the end it was ironically you that touched her. You grabbed her hand, you told her to run, then you told her to forget you.

But then what was the point of that? Five minutes in and there was no way you'd ever forget her.

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You were so young back then and he made you feel like a lost little girl, only now you're a lost little girl clad in leather, never letting anyone touch you. You play the role of the determined female journalist and you like the leather coat better than any other because it feels like protection. If you let everyone believe that you're tough and you don't need a new man and you know exactly where you're going, perhaps you'll believe it too someday.

In the end it only takes one John Smith for years of bitterness and longing and heart breaking loneliness to break free. You thought he'd died. You wished he'd died. That would have given him an excuse.

You told him not to forget you and he said exactly the same thing.

But then what was the point of that? Five minutes back in your old life and all you wanted to do was forget him.

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The jacket's worn and battle-scarred and that makes it useless as protection. Because everyone can see that you're just as battered. She didn't see it straight away but it didn't take long did it? A few more adventures, a few more bags of chips, a few more little teasers. Now she knows about your home world. She knows about the War. Worst of all, she knows about the Daleks and that was something you'd buried very, very deep down.

But you're a traveller wrapped in the toughest exterior you could muster, so you think you've moved on.

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The jacket's old but it still looks too new for you. You look in the mirror every day and all you see is an aging woman dressing far too young. It doesn't stop you from wearing it though because other people seem to believe in the image it portrays. You can play the journalist just as long as you have your armour on. You'll be safe then. No one can touch you.

At first you tried to find someone else, but no one else quite measured up to him. You'd never thought about the romantic side because it had never been appropriate. Perhaps there hadn't even been a romantic side. But you know that you loved him in a way far more complicated than a love bound to one planet. An uncommon love for an uncommon man.

But now you're an independent journalist wrapped in the toughest exterior you could muster, so you think you've moved on.

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It's a life later and the leather's gone now. But you can see instantly how much it hurts when she finds out that she hasn't been the only one and for a moment you want that protection again. Yet you know it's far too late to go back, put on the tough guy walk and tell her to forget you.

But what can you do? You'll always have a knack for breaking peoples' hearts and it's happening all over again. Because she wasn't the first and she won't be the last. Her future isn't bright at all. She's destined to put on a show, to put on her own leather jacket and protect herself just like Sarah. You'll drive her to that.

You'll never let her stay. She can grow old with you but you'll throw her out before she will. And you can never grow old with her.

All you have is the present, and now it feels tainted.

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It all happened so long ago but you still need that closure. You need to hear him say it.

"Goodbye. My Sarah Jane."

And he hugs you.

And you both walk away. It's finished. At last. For now.

The leather you'll keep. It's only purpose now is material.

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It all happened so long ago but it's coming back to haunt you. She can't quite look you in the eye so she focuses on Mickey instead. Does that make you jealous? Yes it does.

But you'll have many lives; she only gets the one. And you can't let her squander it with you forever, but she can squander all she likes for now. There's still time. She's still young.

The adventure seems finished but you know it's not the end of the matter. She'll ask again and maybe you'll get the photo albums out. Laugh at your own fashion mistakes. Find something to smile about in something heartbreaking that touches you every time.

Do you wish you'd never asked her to come?

Do you wish you'd never touched her hand?

Do you wish you could still wear the leather armour that made you feel safe for so long?

No. No. _No_.

It's finished. At last. For now.

The leather you gave to her. It hangs in her wardrobe. It's only purpose now is a memory.

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Hope you liked that! ;)


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